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Countdown To Destruction: Day22

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DOOMSDAY1

It’s Day22, and we are getting dangerously close to the teens in our countdown.

Just to get this out of the way early on, I have almost perfected a foreign language, I have not adopted a baby and I have not skydived, though I did climb onto the roof of the carport in my complex and gaze at the stars. That sounds like something, doesn’t it?

I will have you know, I also went for a night swim AND I had a game night with a few friends which consisted of 30 Seconds and Crazy Eight. Both of which I won. Naturally.

However, since I decided yesterday that I was not just going to lie down and take whatever the earth (and that idiot Mayan calendar writer) dealt me, the time has come to buckle down and do some serious work into my preparations to try and survive the apocalypse. 35913_556995044314243_683299286_n

So I am putting together an APOCALYPSE SURVIVAL KIT. For this, I needed to do some research and discovered that this is now more normal than it might have been last decade, but those who have been eagerly awaiting the zombi apocalypse have been at it for some time now. For those of you who would like to survive with me, but do not have the time or energy to prepare, Gerber Gear is actually selling and Apocalypse Survival Kit. You can find this at their website: www.gerbergear.com/Apocalypse/Gear/Apocalypse-Kit_30-000601, with the description: “What if it happens? What if our worst fears are realized? If the Dead walk, the continuation of the human race will become a daily struggle. Are you prepared to protect and defend your family and friends? Your best chance lies in the Gerber Apocalypse Survival Kit. Enclosed in a super durable canvas carrying case with reinforced stitching, the kit is compact and packable. To beat the uprising we must work together. We must arm ourselves and organize.”

Well done to Gerber for trying to make sure the rest of us are prepared, but I think if we were really trying to work together, we would be giving these out for free, no? By the way, Gerber is a genuine online store for outdoorsy stuff, also selling equipment for hunting, outdoor activities, industrial, tactical and military needs.

 

I also found out that a Mr Glenn Beck is trying to promote something called Food Insurance, a company that sells “gourmet quality” survivalist kits. Aside from the ad campaign, he has been promoting “freeze-dried food”, which is basically a stash of food for rought times. Food Insurance claims to insure against hurricanes, tornadoes, floods, earthquakes, power outages, severe winter storms, pandemics, terrorism and unemployment. The entry level “Essential Kit” costs $200 and contains food for 1 adult for atleast two weeks, waterproof matches, cooking tin, stove and heating pellets (uhm…what are heating pellets???), a water filter and a backpack for it all.

For an extra $50, you can get an all-in-one survival tool (uhm…a who??), two dust/pollutant masks, radio flashlight and a 350-piece first aid kit. I must admit, this sounds like all very smart things to have around for disasters of any kind, but do keep in mind that the company’s premium offer will set you back a cool $9 600 and will feed your family of four for an entire year.

Seeing as they are offering “gourmet quality” survival kits, what food are they freeze drying you ask? Think lasagna with meat sause, beef stroganoff, creamy chicken rotini or teriyaki chicken with rice. So if your post-apocalyptic holocaust environment self is surviving on nuts and tree bark and you see your neighbour with a warm plate of lasagna, you will know exactly how that happened.

 

The best offer of the lot, however, is Patrick Geryl, who wrote How To Survive 2012, and has spent a reported $130 000 on survival preparations. He has 100 items on his list, which he sent to CNN Money and which I will share with you in my next post, along with some other tips and tricks.

 

While we are still in the mood for living life to the fullest, our Bucket List options for today include:

  • A ride in a hot air balloon 21.
  • Owning a beach house22.
  • Attending the Carnival of Venice23.

 

Yes, they are ridiculous, I know, I know, but I am, after all, just picking from my original bucket list options here, so forgive me for being a tad outlandish.

Either way, the clock is tick tocking… ❤

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