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16 Days…









There seem to be a lot of numbers floating around on my blog nowadays, but no worries, this is not about the apocalyptic destruction of your ass (…am I allowed to say ass on the interweb??).

This is just to highlight, for those who not yet aware (despite the bombardment on our television screens), that we are currently going through 16 Days of Activism Against Women & Child Abuse. This is the 16 days where we put, at the forefront of our minds, those who subjected to gender or other forms of abuse on the regular, particularly, women and children.ABUSE2

It really saddens me that in 2012, we can still be subject to such horrific levels of women and children being abused.

For example, did you know that an estimated 1 in every 3 women in the world will be beaten, raped or otherwise abused in her lifetime, and usually by  a family member?

Did you know that violence kills and disables as many women between the ages of 15 and 44 as CANCER??

Did you know that 1 in every 4 South African women is a survivor of domestic violence?

Did you know that 1 in 16 women is regularly assaulted by her partner?

Or that 1 in 4 women is forced to flee a life-threatening situation in her home at some point in her life.


Coordinated by the Center for Women’s Global Leadership (CWGL), the 16 Days Campaign was created to serve as a global advocacy campaign to increase awareness about gender-based violence and a call on governments and the general public to begin preventing such violence. The point is to treat domestic violence as a serious crime and to protect and support those women who do have the courage to report it, as well as training law enforcement to address armed partners and family sensitively, effectively and lawfully.

Acts of violence experienced by these women include sexual harassment, rape, murder (witch burnings, rape-murders, sexual serial killings, intimate femicide which is by a husband or boyfriend), forced prostitution or trafficking and female genital mutilation/circumcision.

Just when you thought a home was supposed to be a haven and place of safety, statistics show that girls and women are at greater risk of violence in their own homes that anywhere else. The extent of domestic violence is not well known since a lot of women do not reveal being abused for fear of further abuse or other people’s reactions or simply because she does not believe she will be able to survive, financially or otherwise, without him.575410_411734832230784_1746245016_n


To all the beautiful women out there who are living in tough situations where they have to live with such violence, I am praying for you. I pray that you will have the courage to make the right choice, I pray that you will have the ability and capacity to actually leave and start your own life successfully.

You do NOT need him, and you certainly do NOT want him. You DO deserve better and life will lead you to it, should you only ask for it. If you have children, please do consider them in the equation and best believe that if he hits you once, he WILL do it again. GUARANTEED.



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When I created the heavens and the earth, I spoke them into being.


When I created man, I formed him and breathed life into his nostrils.


But you, I fashioned after I breathed the breath of life into man because your nostrils are too delicate.


I allowed a deep sleep to come over him so I could patiently and perfectly fashion you.


Man was put to sleep so that he could not interfere with the creativity.

From one bone, I fashioned you.


I chose the bone that protects man’s life.


I chose the rib, which protects his heart and lungs and supports him, as you are meant to do.


Around this one bone, I shaped you…I modelled you.

I created you perfectly and beautifully.


Your characteristics are as the rib, strong yet delicate and fragile.

You provide protection for the most delicate organ in man, his heart.

His heart is the centre of his being; his lungs hold the breath of life.


The rib cage will allow itself to be broken before it will allow damage to the heart.


You are my perfect angel…You are my beautiful little girl.

You have grown to be a splendid woman of excellence, and my eyes fill when I see the virtues in your heart.


Your eyes…don’t change them.

Your lips – how lovely when they part in prayer.

Your nose, so perfect in form.

Your hands so gentle in touch.

I’ve caressed your face in your deepest sleep.

I’ve held your heart close to mine.


Of all that lives and breathes,  you are most like me.

Adam walked with me in the cool of the day, yet he was lonely.

He could not see me or touch me. He could only feel me.


So everything I wanted Adam to share and experience with me, I fashioned in you; my holiness, my strength, my purity, my love, my protection and support.


You are special because you are an extension of Me.

Man represents my image, woman my emotions.

Together, you represent the totality of God.

You are love, respected and fragile.

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Are Your Gonna Believe Me, Or Your Lying Eyes??

Imagine this:

You go to your man/boyfriend/that-guy-you’re-currently-with’s place, as you walk through the door, you are greeted by his best friend, who is nonchalantly watching TV and seems to be generally unperturbed in his surroundings. You have been here countless times before, and naturally, you do not need to be directed as you know your way around, so you head straight to the bedroom.

Before you enter, you remind yourself why you came here in the first place. You and your man/boyfriend/that-guy-you’re-currently-with had a fight early this morning and you have decided that you need to apologise because you feel you were in the wrong.

As you reach out to open the door – keeping in mind how long it took you to accept that you would have to apologise and swallow that slight bit of humiliation that apologies normally bring with them (I believe this may be the reason you hate apologizing) – you take a deep breath and turn the handle (wait, why was it closed in the first place?). What greets you is not your man/boyfriend/that-guy-you’re-currently-with sitting at his computer by himself or sleeping, but rather, it is your man/boyfriend/that-guy-you’re-currently-with, with another woman/heffer/that-girl-with-the-unkempt-weave, yea…the one you don’t like. You have been cheated on.


I was the man who cheated on you, in fact, exactly as it has been written above*. I am, however, not the only man who has cheated, in fact, according to statistics, a lot of men have. Your man might be cheating on your right now. Why do we as men cheat? This is the questino that has plagued man a man, but it has yet to stop us from actuallly doing the dirty deed, in fact, what it has done is to encourage men to come with ever-more creative and incredible ways to hide, explain and justify why we do it. My personal favourite is:

“It’s biology, women make one egg per month. I, as a man, make millions of sperm! Clearly my job is to fertilize. I’m like compost.”

There are any number of various other excuses, such as the survivalist angle**, the philanthropist*** and the age old African favourite, its tradition****. These reasons may all have their strong points if argued masterfully enough, but in truth, it’s all nonsense. To prove that it is all nonsense, just watch how vociferously a man will jump out in defense of his mother if it is even suggested that she is being cheated on. What is clear is that as men, we know that cheating is wrong, yet knowing and acting on that knowledge are two very different things. I am not saying that it cannot be done, what I am saying is that for a lot of men, we do not want to do it and the question is why?

I don’t know.

I have tried to practice being a one-woman man and I have only succeeded for a few months at a time, that was it, but never for a prolonged period of time. Whilst I have comforted myself with these attempts, the core issue has not been resolved and whilst this is slightly frustrating to me, this must be incredibly infuriating to the women I date, because as we (men) grapple with the inability to control our penises, women continue to be heartbroken day in and day out.

In my dishonourable opinion, this is what has led to women returning the favour, they are cheating on us and the scary thing is, that they are so much better at it than men. No woman would ever have been caught like I was, not a chance. Women are subtle, men are crass. Men have skeletons in their closets; Women have them in the Reserve Bank’s safes. If men knew, or rather, if I knew how to be happy with myself and with the woman I’m with when I have her, maybe I wouldn’t cheat, maybe. There is no guarantee.

The girl who caught me in that room, didn’t leave me though, she stuck with me, we dated for three years. She did dump me eventually. I do wonder if there’s a connection there somewhere. Hmmm…

“You know the only thing you can do to stop your man from cheating? The only thing you can do…is be there. Where? There! Wherever he’s thinking about f***ing, that’s it. Just be right there. And even then he still might lose your ass. He’s like, ‘Honey, look! A Sale! Let me go f**k this b*tch right now!'” – Chris Rock


* I was just lying with the girl on the bed, so I wasn’t technically cheating, that being said, if she had walked in 15 minutes later…I would have been. On a side note, I still blame my friend for getting me cuaght; he should’ve never let her in the house. I am not disgusting.

** The survivalist angle: I am here to pro-create, since you can only have one child at a time, I must venture out and find other people that can help.

*** The philanthropist: There are more women than men in the world, I’m just doing my part.

**** Tradition: This is just another way of saying Polygamy, usually captioned by “If my president can do it, why can’t I…I also have a shower!”

Mr. Man